9/11/07

I accomplished something from my list - I went to yoga. with my lights on. in memory.

6 years ago. we scrambled to find each other. the phones, blocked. our lives blocked. by terror. and horror. The stories continue to unravel and the hurt continues to hurt.

and while I can talk about it freely. others cannot. the hurt is too deep. it is too close to home. it is home.

In memory...

For those that I found, thank you for coming home.
For those who have gone, we will never forget.

September

Labor Day is over. And we're almost to the middle of September. But it feels like the beginning. The buses are clean, backpacks are packed with new notebooks, books, pens and pencils.

For the older folk, our vacations are over, the summer houses are closed up, the pool is drained, summer casual dress is a memory of two weeks ago and summer Fridays have lost their sizzle.

And i've been thinking about how I am going to get unstuck. Everything seems to be changing but me. Every day seems to bring a new resolution...

I'll try a new book!
I'll go to yoga!
I'll be more positive!
I'll reach out to more people!
I won't bring people down with my troubles!
I'll stop watching/reading celebrity gossip!
I'll trust myself!
I'll believe in myself!

I want to stop wanting and enjoy being. I want to feel like myself again.

it's always about sleep

Desparate to be, be, be the next best thing.
Reinventing myself in my mind every day.

I need to be the best I can be for her.
The strongest.
Patient, kind, loving.

Just need. to. reach. a bit deeper to find these every second.

Please little one, please realize that all I wanted was to stay here and look into that beautifyl face. and giggle. and hold you when you cry. and eat goldfish.

I did not want to go work for anyone else but you.

oh my sadness. want to hock my ring.