You may say I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one...

As I am doing my damnedest to live in the here and now, I find myself day dreaming of all different things.

I'm always prided myself on not being too worried about money- yet somehow I worry constantly how to get more, how to afford that luxurious Pottery Barn bedroom set, how to make my home beautiful and flawless, how I can look perfect with highlights, waxed eyebrows, a weekly pedicure, dress my baby in gorgeous perfect clothes, serve on committees and volunteer as money is no object and really all I have to do in this world is move slowly in the direction of making it better.

Now, for the reality of my current situation...as I currently am making more $$ than I ever imagined...I am hating every minute of it because it requires me to work, work, work all the time _ I narrowly escape a soon to be released conversation with my boss on "stepping it up" by (drum roll) resigning so that we can move to NJ and start life again in the 'burbs.
Where was I? Oh yeah, I', bitching about how money always gets in the way.
How I ended up with this career, I can thank my stepfather for. So eager to gain approval from a father figure, who goaded me on, "alison, you'll be a millionaire. You're in the right profession." I was a golden child and I went after opportunity after opportunity. I could do it - I could rise to the top - this was for me and it was instant gratification with promotions and pay increases coming upon each other in less than a year!
sigh
Then, my maternal instinct kicked in and what happened was what I never ever thought would happen to me...I wanted to stay home and raise my child. To make a fantastic meal for a work weary husband at the end of a long day.
To breast-feed until she was one, continuously challenge her with music, gymnastics and mommy and me yoga classes. To have a infinite, beautiful bond (with of course a beautiful home).
But alas, I trudge us off to work each day and put her in the arms of a wonderful Iranian woman who loves her but all the same is not me. I sit at a desk with my coffee, checking my email, avoiding phone calls, doing as little work as possible and when I need to show up - do the best I can and stress the whole time.

But 4 more weeks right? And then I'll go on my merry way. Nah.
I can see the balance on the horizon - contributing to my family, making the perfect home, creating a effortless bond with my child and looking as sexy as possible for my poor husband who I have not yet mentioned.

This isn't news to anyone though, it's the classic debate, the age old conundrum of many women. "cept this time it's all mine. Wish me luck.